Once upon a time my husband and I had a disposable income. Crazy, right? We would go out and buy the most extravagant things. Things that the present me laugh at and say, “Oh you young, silly fools.” The thought that we could possibly have twins never crossed our minds. We thought it would go something like this: after spending a couple years as man and wife, we would try for children. It may take a few months, maybe six. We would have one, perfect child who would never do anything wrong. Little did we know that it would take us six years, we would end up having twins and those twins would be unlike anything either of us had ever encountered. Sure, you hear how much kids can cost. We were slightly prepared for that. But no one, not one thing could prepare us for the tornados that are our twins. We had no idea the costs that we would encounter raising these vivacious boys. Let’ s look at some of their gems, shall we?
Set of Cherry Wood Cribs
I don’ t know what my twins had against their cribs. They were beautiful. They were made out of a dark cherry wood and were stunning. Apparently my children did not agree. When they started biting they got down to business. I would find chunks of crib missing. Did I not feed them enough? I mean come on. Then there were the sippy cups. I would start with one style, they would open it and literally shake it all around their crib leaving milk in places no milk should be. Next I would try one that is childproof. You know, the one that is guaranteed not to leak and cannot be opened by the child. Right. I should’ ve known better. I would come into their room and they would be Sherlock and Watson in there discovering the secrets of the sippy, eventually popping it open and starting all over again. Perfect. End of the sippies. End of the cribs. They were so damaged I had to use them as fire wood . Total cost: $2000
Peg Perego Rotating Double Stroller
Oh such a naïve new mommy. “I’ m going to get the best stroller money can buy!” Blah blah blah. So I got the Cadillac of double strollers. It had a steering wheel for goodness sakes! One day we go for a lovely walk on a beautiful afternoon. They used their twin telepathy on me because the next thing I know-BAM! They both ripped the shades off of each side leaving huge rips on both sides of stroller. Seriously? Why? Peace out value of the fancy Cadillac stroller. Clearly not twin proof. Total Cost: $1500
Ornate Black Wood Formal Dining Table
We had a formal dining room so why not fill it with a fancy formal dining room table? I’ ll tell you why. Because some day you will have twins that will use said table as a chew toy. That’ s why. Total Cost: $8000
Pottery Barn Hurricane Lamp and Formal Ornate Black Wood Sitting Chair
When you get a fancy dining room table, apparently you buy all the fancy matching furniture. Very practical. Then you set a very expensive hurricane lamp right next to it. Enter twin. Said twin decides to pull the cord to the lamp sending it careening into the chair, smashing both. I mean, why not? Two for one. Way to go. Total Cost: $6000
Ok so this has nothing to do with them. Not their fault we couldn’ t conceive. But, still. A serious cost and someday I will be able to play that card. Ergo I’ m including it in my count. Total Cost: $50,000
Honestly I could go on and on. There have been painted walls, stained carpets, mice thrown in trucks, permanent marker on my white linen Pottery Barn bedspread, sticks stuck in iPad, chewed up wood blinds, etc., etc., etc. There is no end to the destruction. So what is my estimate in cost thus far? $75,000. But, you know what they say. Twins that were a gift from God, that fill your life so full you feel you will burst, that complete you in every way imaginable? Priceless.
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