There’s that one old song that claims love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. But what if you start adding children to the equation? Does love and marriage even exist anymore after that?
In our society we place so much emphasis on getting married for love and raising a family. But once the honeymoon is over and we’ve got a house that seems constantly messy due to a tribe of children running about, things are very different. It’s not to say that children ruin everything (though we can safely say they do ruin most upholstered items) but children definitely add more stress to a marriage and it’s up to us to be vigilant about it to hold things together. Here are some of the reasons children put stress onto our marriages.
Small children need more attention than our spouses do. Of course, they need our assistance for just about everything but we can’t forget that after we feed the baby, we need to nurture our partners.
Children bring a storm of chaos into our homes and some of that can be truly beautiful. But as our kids grow up, they become active in more and more activities. Often, it’s the mom who gets stuck shuffling the children around. Don’t get lost in the shuffle. Remember to schedule some one-on-one time with the one you love between soccer matches.
There comes a time when saying “bless this mess” is just not enough. No one wants to come home to a messy house. There will be things out of place here and there so don’t sweat the small stuff. Tackle the stinky laundry pile and other urgent chores to give a more orderly illusion.
If you or your spouse have ever tried to work at home while the kids are awake, then you know how hard it can be to find a quiet spot where you can speak without the person on the other end hearing, “That’s my toy car! Give it back!” Helping each other enjoy even a small moment of silence is essential.
One of the biggest causes of disarray in a marriage with children are the conflicts. Not just between you and your spouse but between each child and between the children and you. Children can be manipulative when they want something and know how to play their parents just right so they can get what they want. Don’t fall into this trap. Make a united front with your partner and stick to it.
Remember, all marriages need work but people that are married with children need to work even harder to hold it all together and fight off the stress before it tears them apart at the seams.