Almost any long-term communication between any two people will eventually and inevitably lead to a conflict of interests of some sort. Even with the perfect couples, the goals will differ from time to time. People often ask “How to compromise with your boyfriend?” or “How do I solve the conflict I have with my girlfriend?”. Working those differences out is the only thing that will help to smooth any wrinkles that might come on the way.
Some people are pretty natural when it comes to solving problems in relationships. You might envy those smooth-talking, silver-tongued devils who are great at compromising in a relationship. But compromising is also a skill that you can work on and hone it. It doesn’t matter if you’re already married, have just started a serious relationship or starting online dating. The ability to resolve a conflict situation in the best way possible will help you more than once in your life. Trust me.
1. So how to compromise in a relationship in a proper fashion? Compromise is all about both parties giving something up to get something in return. The most important part of it is the word BOTH. The compromise where one side gives up a lot while the other side does not bring anything to the table is the worst. This might lead to growing resentment and feeling that one side doesn’t care about solving the conflict as much as the other side does. So try to avoid this scenario. If you want to ask your partner to do something, always be ready to show some effort on your part. Also, try to make it clear that you are giving up something important to you. People don’t always value things in the same way so you don’t want your partner to think you’re not making an effort when in reality you’re sacrificing a lot.
2. Try to sweeten the pill. People are more prone to agree to a solution to the problem if they see what they are getting out of it, not when all they see is them losing something. Try to spin the compromise as something you both will benefit from, not as some punishment you both need to endure. “We both give up something but look what great things we will get from it” would work better than “You’re not doing this anymore, and I’m not doing that”.
3. Always, and I mean always make those conversations with a cool head. You don’t want to have a conversation about the changes that are going to happen to your relationship when you’re angry. This will almost definitely turn into making ultimatums and mutual destruction, not helping each other. You can do as much as press Pause and reschedule the conversation for another time and place. The best way to even begin talking about compromises is when you are calm and thinking positively about your partner.
4. Know what’s negotiable and what’s not. Before engaging in this conversation, think about what you can give up and to which extent. If it’s easier for you, write a list of your priorities. You don’t have to share it, just writing it down will help you to understand what you want and don’t want to happen. This will make negotiating much easier and you will lower the chances of second-guessing the outcomes.
5. In the worst-case scenario, don’t be afraid to ask for some sort of help. You can ask someone you trust to be the mediator. You can even go and seek counseling for that. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you need some help. Think of it as knowing your limitations and not being stubborn enough to ruin the relationship.
Some people say that relationships are about compromise, but there are times when compromising is not a good way to solve a problem.
The biggest sign you’ve gone too far with compromising, is you’re not feeling like yourself anymore. One of the rules you can’t break is “compromise in a relationship without changing yourself”. Another indicator that compromising is not working – you’re the only party who follows the agreement. Remember, this should be a two-way street. And the last thing – if you’re starting to resent your partner or feel the resentment coming your way, you should probably rethink this whole thing. You may find a better solution if you change something here and there.
You shouldn’t underestimate the meaning of compromise in a relationship. Compromising is one of the most useful skills you can develop. It can help you solve a lot of conflict situations and even help you grow both personally and as a couple. Learning how to do it will save your bacon more than once. And it’s not that hard to do if you try. Some research and a bit of practice on minor things will show you what to do and what to avoid. This skill might help you even beyond your relationship so just give it a try. Being a conflict-solver is quite a good thing to have on your resume