Managing a Divorce with Twins

A romantic comedy-drama The Parent Trap came out in 1998. It’s a beautiful movie about the cute and funny twins that have been separated after parents divorce. And it seems like that sweet girls made all Americans cry with love. But the reality is different from Disney’s world. And the consequences of divorce and separation of twins can be unfortunate. Parental divorce can become a real drama and affect all further life of the child. Therefore, parents should create the best conditions for their babies so that they do not suffer. Especially if they are twins.

Children are very sensitive and immediately respond to any changes in their parents’ relationships. But the kid’s brain cannot fully understand the events that occur in the adult world. The same thing happens with a divorce. In the understanding of the child, separation is illogical and unfounded. Everything that a child failed to understand causes him or her various negative emotions like anger, rage, irritation, depression, etc. Therefore, it is essential that during and after the divorce, parents create a comfortable environment for the kids, thanks to which they can cope with the trauma and continue to live a normal life. This issue is especially acute when there are twins in the family. As far as they have complex emotional bonds, the destruction of which can be dangerous even to their health.

Emotional Connections

When parents get divorced, one of the most difficult questions that arise is the division of custody. And this can lead to lengthy debate and litigation. But unfortunately, this process often develops into a war of parents and the desire to “win.” At the same time, forgetting that in fact, the main task is to achieve the best interests of the child. But when the custody decision must be made in a family with multiples, parents have to rely on the most crucial factor – the emotional connections of children.

The emotional bonds of twins have been the subject of many studies and publications. Specialists around the world are working on this complex and exciting topic, which is shrouded in various myths. One of the magical mysteries of the twins is that they have a special connection different that of ordinary siblings. There are many examples where one twin felt what was happening to the second when they were not together. For instance, it can be pain from cuts or heart attack. And they perform identical actions when separated. Some even consider this behavior to be paranormal or explain it by the presence of telepathy between multiples. However, there is no scientific proof that twins have ESP. Such physical and emotional manifestations are explained by strong love and affection to each other. After all, imagine, they were together before they have born! Twins are hypersensitive to each other. And this should be a key factor for parents when they decide how to divide custody.

To separate or not to separate?

Sometimes twins parents consider the separation of children to be fair. For example, when a male child lives with a male parent, while the female baby stays with a female parent. Perhaps it has economic and logical reasons. However, when considering divorce, the courts do not have clear rules or criteria for separating twins, so they are always governed by the best interests of the child. But this is a broad concept.  Therefore, the key factor for the judge, however, as for the parents, should be the relationship between siblings. Of course, a lot of other factors like relationships with parents, the ability of parents to take care of the children, the financial situation of the spouses, and so on can affect the judge’s decision. But in the case of twins, emotional bonds with each other will play a key role.

If the children are old enough to think straight, the judge will want to listen to their opinion regarding who they want to live with. Of course, if the children have a strong emotional connection, the court will not separate them, as this will cause severe physiological and mental harm.

The court will also consider the history of the relationship between children and how close they are. If there is a history of unhealthy competition and an aggravated relationship to each other, the court may decide to split the twins. Nevertheless, many specialists and twins research experts have argued that separating multiples is a bad idea. Basically, the courts also hold this view and can convince parents to leave children to grow together.

Agreement by the Parents

Parties can avoid litigation and reach an agreement on child custody. Having decided who will be the primary custodial and how much time the children will spend with a non-custodial parent. The standard contract also includes a list of holidays that children will celebrate with each parent and a schedule of visitations. But in the case of twins, the situation is more complicated. Parents should also consider unforeseen circumstances. For example, what to do if the father came to pick up the children for the weekend, and one of the twins has taken suddenly unwell. Will the second child go to the father, or both will stay with the mother? In the case of twins, there will be a lot of such situations. Therefore, it’s better to discuss everything in advance than to argue in a critical moment, while one of the children came down with the fever.

Malicious Parent Syndrome

According to OnlineDivorce, Divorce if often high-stress. It forces the parties to be in an extreme situation, where spouses respond differently. In some cases, the so-called “malicious parent syndrome” takes place. It is what happened in The Parent Trap. This syndrome is characterized by abnormal behavior of one of the parties during a divorce. But, it is essential to note that such behavior is not recognized as a mental disorder. It describes the distorted performance of the party in the courtroom and consists in the fact that one of the spouses is trying to punish his or her almost ex in every possible way. At the same time, the harm also mainly affects children. And it is dangerous because one of the parties is trying to destroy his or her partner using children as a weapon.

An essential condition for the healthy growth of twins should be frequent and continued contact with both parents, and all the more, with each other. Therefore, if you are faced with such a case and are confident that your spouse is a malicious parent, first of all, make sure that you have a good family lawyer who can achieve the best custody conditions. Additional steps you can make to protect your children are to seek court-ordered counseling for the malicious parent and obtain supervised visitation.

Probably every parent of twins knows that life with such children is not easy, but very interesting and colorful. But unfortunately, divorce will not be simple either, even if the couple wants an amicable dissolution. When there are twins in the family, it is important to take into account all the nuances of the separation of custody and create the most comfortable living conditions for the beloved babies.