Saturday was a big day for me, just because I hit my 27 week milestone! I cannot believe that I am only 10 weeks away from being full term with the boys. Just a few weeks ago, “full term” seemed so far away!! and now here we are!! (dude, wtf. seriously, where is time going?) I still haven\’t decided if I\’m going to schedule a cesarian, or if I want to try and deliver vaginally. I keep hip-hopping back and forth between the two, and so many things keep influencing my decision.
- I want to experience the full birthing experience. Jon and I are planning for this to be our one and only pregnancy (yeah, i know “you never know!!!”, but that\’s the plan, for now – OK?!). So with that, there is this little part of me that wants to experience everything – pre-labor, active labor, and vaginal delivery. I kinda feel like it would close out the pregnancy journey, and open up the door to post partum. Of course, this idea scares the bejeezus out of me – the pain, the exhaustion, the ring of fire (omggggg – it\’s called ring of fire, for christ\’s sake). But I don\’t want to regret not at least trying for a vaginal birth, ya\’know?
- I\’m scared of surgery. I don\’t care how common a cesarian is, it\’s still a surgery – with very real risks. Everything about it scares me: preparing for surgery, the incision, the anesthesia, the stitches, the recovery… everything. I\’m also scared about the thought of caring for newborn twins while recovering from the surgery. The first few weeks are already going to be tough (i hear), so how much harder will it be if I\’m also trying to heal from a surgery incision?!
- What if I end up needing both?! So let\’s say I decide to go with a vaginal delivery… WHAT IF: I go through hours of labor, hours of pushing, an epistomy (:::SHUDDER SHUDDER SHUDDERRRRRR::) and successfully deliver Baby A (finally)… then BABY B stays breech (which he currently is), and I end up needing a cesarian anyway! are you kidding?! Now I have to heal from TWO incisions?!